Alzheimer's Caregiving: How to Ask for Help

By Mayo Clinic Health Information Library tags: Caregivers, dementia, Home Care, Alzheimer's disease, Caregiver Stress, Memory Care

Alzheimer's caregiving is a tough job, and it's difficult for one person to handle alone. No one is equipped to care for another person 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you're caring for a loved one who has Alzheimer's disease, understand the stress you're facing — and know how to ask for help.

What's happening

At first, you might be able to meet your loved one's needs yourself. This might last months or even years, depending on how quickly the disease progresses and your own mental and physical health. Eventually, however, your loved one will need more help with everyday tasks, such as eating, bathing and toileting.

image of a woman and her grandmother on a walk

And just as the physical demands of caregiving increase, so can the emotional toll. Challenging dementia-related behaviors can strain the coping skills of even the most patient and understanding caregiver.

The sustained stress of caregiving also can weaken your immune system. You might eat and sleep poorly and have trouble setting aside time for yourself. Caregiving might also increase your risk of depression. Before you know it, you're so busy caring for your loved one that you could drift away from your family and friends — at a time when you need them the most.

How to share the load

Alzheimer's is a progressive disease with symptoms that get worse over time. Shouldering the load yourself can diminish the quality of the care you provide. If you're the primary caregiver for your loved one, talk to your family about sharing some of the responsibility.

To prevent caregiver burnout, it's essential to reach out for support, too. Here's help getting started:

  • Be realistic. Caregiving is demanding. There's only so much you can do on your own. Asking for help doesn't make you inadequate or selfish.
  • Test the waters. Request help. Avoid watering down your request by saying things like, "It's only a thought."
  • Suggest specific tasks. Keep a list of ways you need help, so you'll be ready with suggestions if someone offers. Perhaps a neighbor could do yardwork or pick up your groceries. A relative could sort bills or fill out insurance papers. A friend might take your loved one for a daily walk, giving you valuable time to shop, go to appointments and complete other tasks.
  • Consider abilities and interests. If a loved one enjoys cooking, ask him or her to help with meal preparation. A neighbor who likes to drive might be able to provide transportation to doctor appointments. A friend who enjoys books might read aloud to your loved one.

You might worry that no one will be willing to help you, but you won't know until you ask. Although some people might say no, most of your friends and loved ones probably want to help, but simply don't know how.

When to seek outside help

If you can't get enough help from your friends and relatives, take advantage of community resources. You might enroll your loved one in an adult day program, both for the social interaction the program will provide your loved one and the caregiving respite it'll provide you. You might also consider working with an agency that provides household help or assistance with daily tasks. Counseling services and support groups also can help you cope with your caregiving duties.

Think of the process of caregiving as a marathon, not a sprint. Marshal your resources and find every bit of assistance available so that you can conserve your strength for the journey. In the long run, you'll be helping your loved one as well as yourself.

If you’re interested in care for your loved one in the comfort of their home, Kindred at Home offers healthcare experts specifically trained in Alzheimer’s disease and dementia care. Our team members understand the health, mobility and safety concerns that can come with changes in memory in cognition.

We additionally offer a specialized Memory Care program in some areas that can help treat your loved one when they’re managing other health concerns such as diabetes, heart failure or COPD in addition to Alzheimer’s or dementia.

For more information about help caring for a loved one living with dementia, call us at 1.866.KINDRED 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We are here to listen, and we can help.

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